Perfectly Reasonable

 

It’s not, as you’ve probably guessed, a baby shark.

 

For one thing, I’m not an idiot and I know that baby sharks grow into adult sharks[1] who deserve way more space than I’m prepared to provide.[2]

 

But leaving Offspring guessing about what I was plotting here while he nobly battles red tape and ignorance in support of… whatever it is we’re doing over there.  I’ve honestly forgotten.

clubhouse/lounge in Bagram hanger, made of "tactically acquired" pallets and bits of wood, covered with a tarp. Strung with Christmas lights.

So have they.

 

 

PETSTORE EMPLOYEE:  So what are you going to keep in the tank?
ME:  ———
PE:  (stares, horrified)
ME:  (beams)
PE:  So… any fish will be eaten.
ME:  Well… I mean… sure, some.  That’s why I’m putting the fish in first.
PE:  (wide-eyed)
ME:  To give them a fighting chance.  You know—they’ll get the lay of the land, learn the hiding spots, the shortcuts… but yeah, we need stuff that’s quick, zippy, nimble… and clever, at least for a fish.
PE:  So… (huffs, overwhelmed) well definitely not these, then.
ME:  Noooo… (eyeballs pretty glowfish)  So pretty but— (taps glass)
FISH:  (do not react)
PE:  Yeah.
ME:  Wow.  You really bred the stupid into them along with the color, didn’t you?
PE:  Yeah, those would be some pretty expensive snacks.
ME:  Whereas if we went with something like these (points)  I’m thinking as long as they have the lay of the land a good few weeks ahead of time, they might have a fighting chance.
PE:  (skeptical)
ME:  You know, when the actual dinosaur arrives.
PE:  (laughs)  Maybe… and hey, the ones that do will truly be the fittest!

(Hunger Games) Katniss emerges in the water arena, looks around at her competitors on their islands

 

Yes, I’m Hunger Gamesing my aquarium.

 

Well, not really.  It’s more the first and ongoing Darwin Games.

Charles darwin throwing horns; text reads: Darwin approves

 

 

ME:  I figure we’ll start off with a few hardier species, wild-type, nothing bred to be pretty or flashy… and remember that some of them will get eaten.
HIM:  Yep.
ME:  But those that survive will be our champions!  We’ll name them, sing songs about them—
HIM:  How ‘bout we just keep feeding them?
ME:  That too.

 

 

It will surprise exactly none of you to learn how we went about deciding we needed to add a six-foot piece of water-filled furniture to our already cramped home.

 

 

ME:  I’ve been thinking about it, doing the research on the sort of space he’ll need.
HIM:  Okay… I’m sure whatever you decide will be—
ME:  And I think the only reasonable thing is to buy a 125-gallon tank.
HIM:  …
ME:  And a stand, of course.
HIM:  That’s what seems reasonable to you?
ME:  (nods)
HIM:  We have very different definitions of that word.

 

interior of cargo van; impressively large fish tank and stand are coming home

 

 

 

[1] Yes, there are freshwater shark species that stay small.  I submit they are not “real” sharks; fight me, zoologists.

[2] For now.

 

 

 

10 comments on “Perfectly Reasonable

  1. Rivergirl says:

    Most excellent. I look forward to the mini jaws series…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. wds2020 says:

    Kinda looks like offspring is building a cubby house (OZ)/fort (US) in air conditioned comfort indoors in a big shed.

    Good to see the US is spending it’s citizens’ tax dollar wisely, in the fight against the tyrannies of evil. Just like here in OZ.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so keen for your shark adventures.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Arionis says:

    No clue but it makes me wonder what Inspector Bob would think.

    I can not stand that baby shark song, but on Halloween when we were passing out candy, I had my Alexa on the porch playing spooky sounds. A very young toddler came up dressed in a baby shark costume. She was so cute I couldn’t help put tell Alexa to play the song on a loop for her. Her parents were not that impressed as they had to drag her away from our house because she kept trying to come back to hear the song.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Da-na-na-na-na, love shark stories… and Bala’s are real 😂😂 cant wait to hear more

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ironically, the more I researched shark species to enhance my bullshit cover, the more enamored I became of the li’l sharkies.

      I still don’t have room for one, though. Hell, the 125-gallon is going to be too small for the plecos at some point, but I’ll jump off that bridge when I get to it.

      Like

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