“So what,” you ask, fundamentally fed up with all this stalling, “do you need such a whacking great tank for?

long aquarium with black sand and live plants, half full of water

Would you believe I just want a nice space to grow new plants?


To fulfill a promise made to itty bitty me.


Basically, it’s very expensive therapy.[1]



I woke up one morning to a facebook post from my Better Mom, seeking a new home for one of her turtles; they were getting bigger and with the cramped quarters one was becoming aggressive with the other.


I immediately commented that Husband and I would be having Turtle Talks STAT.  See, when I was about 8 I asked my birth-giver for a pet turtle and she, being the sort of person she is, agreed and promised me a turtle.


Well, that turtle must be hanging out with the mogwai my dad promised, because it never materialized.


ME:  Did you see the post?
HIM:  Yes… you weren’t serious, were you?
ME:  …
HIM:  Okay.  I’m in the car, about to come home.  We’ll talk—
ME:  About turtles?
HIM:  (sighs)  About turtles.
ME:  Yay!
HIM:  Hey… since it lived with Mom and Vader, do you think she named it Luke Shellwalker?
ME:  God I hope not.

aquatic turtle in acrylic carrier, head drawn partially in

Has never seen Star Wars



ME:  Are you ready to talk about turtles?
HIM:  … I literally just walked in the door.  Can I change first?
ME:  Sure!  I’ll bring my notes!
HIM:  (sighs)
ME:  Okay, I’ve been doing research all day—I have learned SoMuch.  About turtles!
HIM:  I believe you.
ME:  (recites turtle care facts)
ME:  (continues long past the point of reason)
HIM:  Okay, okay—I’m getting overwhelmed.
ME:  Totally understandable.  I’ve been at this all day (taps notes) so you’re getting the condensed version.  Let’s go get dinner and we can talk more—
HIM:  About something other than turtles?
ME:  …
HIM:  …
ME:  Where do you want to go for dinner?
HIM:  I don’t know, what do you—
ME:  Oh no, it’s your choice tonight.  Because you’re an amazing awesome husband who’s letting me get a turtle!
HIM:  (sighs)



Y’all, I really don’t know how that man puts up with me.  I mean, sure there’s the vibrant sexuality and the fact that I laugh at his terrible jokes, but I come with so many extra issues.

(Parks and Rec) Leslie Knope steps carefully amid the home zoo she has created and explains, "Hey, honey! Good morning, how did you sleep? I adopted 32 cats and dogs, do you want pancakes?"

Literally me.


As he tells it, he knew who I was when he married me and he knew that random animals being added to our family would be a thing he’d deal with.  Always.


But I’m still extra in-love with him when he accommodates my crazy.  Because I know that any other man you pull off the street would spend ten minutes with this mess and run screaming.



ME:  So… are we officially getting a turtle?
HIM:  (sighs)  Yeah.  Go text Mom and tell her you want dibs.
ME:  (already running for my phone)  Oh my god, can that be his name?!
HIM:  (calling after me)  What happened to Luke Shellwalker?!
ME:  (skidding down the hall)  TOO LATE!

turtle knocks other turtle off basking area into water

Turtle bullying is a (very slowly) growing problem




[1] So, you know… therapy.

10 comments on “DIBS!

  1. Rivergirl says:

    Im beginning to get the picture of a slow progression towards sharkdom.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Bex says:

    Sqqquuueeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I love turtles! And if you don’t name it Dibs, I will be a very disappointed reader.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. emmaclaire says:

    Have fun with Dibs! Princess, the marine biologist in training, has adopted me 2 grandtortises, Shelley (who ran away from home-don’t laugh, those babies can move surprisingly fast when you take your eyes off them and live in the woods…) and Snooter, who got sick in spite of bring the most spoiled and well-loved tortoise ever. I know she’s going to get another as soon as she finishes her degree and gets settled somewhere. And kimchee…he definitely cannot have dibs on that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I used to think a tortoise or box turtle would be the way to go, but Dibs is so effing cute when he paddles up begging for treats like an underwater labrador.

      He does not get kimchee. No matter how cute the begging. (I did share some salmon, though… because I’m a sucker)


  4. Arionis says:

    Was Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, or Michelangelo even considered?

    Liked by 1 person

    • His original name was one of those. I, having never been a TMNT fan, knew I could never take him seriously with a name like that.

      Plus, I was assured he doesn’t respond to his name.

      He now responds to Dibs, Dibsy, and Dibsicle. This might have something to do with the shrimps I feed him when he’s being extra cute.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Eee! Turtle! Awesome!

    P.S. Dibs is a cool name.

    Liked by 1 person

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