“So what,” you ask, fundamentally fed up with all this stalling, “do you need such a whacking great tank for?”
To fulfill a promise made to itty bitty me.
Basically, it’s very expensive therapy.
I woke up one morning to a facebook post from my Better Mom, seeking a new home for one of her turtles; they were getting bigger and with the cramped quarters one was becoming aggressive with the other.
I immediately commented that Husband and I would be having Turtle Talks STAT. See, when I was about 8 I asked my birth-giver for a pet turtle and she, being the sort of person she is, agreed and promised me a turtle.
Well, that turtle must be hanging out with the mogwai my dad promised, because it never materialized.
ME: Did you see the post?
HIM: Yes… you weren’t serious, were you?
HIM: Okay. I’m in the car, about to come home. We’ll talk—
ME: About turtles?
HIM: (sighs) About turtles.
HIM: Hey… since it lived with Mom and Vader, do you think she named it Luke Shellwalker?
ME: God I hope not.
ME: Are you ready to talk about turtles?
HIM: … I literally just walked in the door. Can I change first?
ME: Sure! I’ll bring my notes!
ME: Okay, I’ve been doing research all day—I have learned So. Much. About turtles!
HIM: I believe you.
ME: (recites turtle care facts)
ME: (continues long past the point of reason)
HIM: Okay, okay—I’m getting overwhelmed.
ME: Totally understandable. I’ve been at this all day (taps notes) so you’re getting the condensed version. Let’s go get dinner and we can talk more—
HIM: About something other than turtles?
ME: Where do you want to go for dinner?
HIM: I don’t know, what do you—
ME: Oh no, it’s your choice tonight. Because you’re an amazing awesome husband who’s letting me get a turtle!
Y’all, I really don’t know how that man puts up with me. I mean, sure there’s the vibrant sexuality and the fact that I laugh at his terrible jokes, but I come with so many extra issues.
As he tells it, he knew who I was when he married me and he knew that random animals being added to our family would be a thing he’d deal with. Always.
But I’m still extra in-love with him when he accommodates my crazy. Because I know that any other man you pull off the street would spend ten minutes with this mess and run screaming.
ME: So… are we officially getting a turtle?
HIM: (sighs) Yeah. Go text Mom and tell her you want dibs.
ME: (already running for my phone) Oh my god, can that be his name?!
HIM: (calling after me) What happened to Luke Shellwalker?!
ME: (skidding down the hall) TOO LATE!
 So, you know… therapy.