Once upon a time, in the earliest days of the Facebook page, Husband was so enamored of seeing his own words mocked immortalized on the internet that he would deliberately say ridiculous things to provoke a reaction, immediately followed by an eager, “Is that going on the page?”
These days, he’s gone a bit shy.
Ten cool points if you got this reference.
Don’t stop now – keep reading!
Show of hands, who remembers the thing where I’m accumulating plants because, according to my brain ferrets, I can totally handle the responsibility?
Damn. Y’all are paying attention.
Until now this blog has been—whatever he might say—about him and the ridiculous things he says, does, thinks, or laughs at.
I think it’s time to branch out. Because I… I heard something.
Something that changed me.
Let me back up.
Have you ever met someone who changed your life in a moment, probably without even realizing they did it? Someone who has lived such a fundamentally different life from your own experiences that it makes you question everything (Do I really like corn flakes? Puppies? Sleep? Do I really hate spiders?*) you thought you knew?
I have, but this is not that story.
I have been accused—not by anyone we’d take seriously, of course, but the accusation has been made publicly, on the almighty Internet and thus I must address it—of laying traps for my husband.
As if he doesn’t get himself into plenty of trouble all on his own?
If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I’ve been on a bit of a bender lately.
My latest victims
High on Clara’s remarkable good health I went out and bought myself a plant that looked pretty but would have killed my pets. He lives outside right now—remind me to check that he’s not toxic to bunnies, yikes. Fresh on the heels of that near-miss, we were browsing Home Depot ( we might have actually been looking for mulch or weed killer or something else that goes outside—I really don’t pay any attention to the outside plants and they seem to appreciate it) when I saw a whole section of little potted things that promised they were easy to care for.
“You grow shit now!” my brain-ferrets yipped, pouncing and nipping in their excitement.
Uhh… You sure ‘bout dat, hoss? Because—
And the brain ferrets were all, “SO FUCKING SURE! THIS IS WHAT YOU NEEEEEEEED!”
You guys.
I am a goddamned Jedi.
Calm down, you know I don’t make wild statements without proof.
Apologies if you’re not a Marvel fan, or a Deadpool fan.*
In all seriousness, I did consider not doing another one of these—the response to my Infinity War post was pretty lackluster and that film was an easier target. But then I assessed the facts:
So I’m trying again, even though Deadpool 2 was conspicuously light on deleted scenes—Wade has no problem mocking himself or his source material, which leaves little on the cutting room floor.
nb: THERE ARE NO SPOILERS AHEAD. ZERO. You can absolutely read this post and then go see the movie without fear that I’ve ruined anything. None of these scenes appear in the movie that is currently in theaters. It’s possible some of them will be released on the DVD, but that’s bonus material and nobody told me not to spoil that shit.
