We Are Fam Nao!

 

For me, the bloom is already off the rose on this (abso-fucking-lutely haunted) house.

 

Now that the hot water and air conditioning issues are solved we have: doors that don’t open, doors that don’t close, windows that don’t open, outlets that don’t work, and goddamned bugs showing up.

looping gif, endless parade of giant beetles marches by

Go on, count ’em.

 

I’ve woken up every morning to dead spiders in the middle of the hall and random rooms.  And the crickets!  They’re just… wandering around the middle of the house.  Crickets, for those unfamiliar with the species, are not known for their desire to be indoors.  And since we are not open the windows and get some fresh air people there’s no rational explanation for their sudden appearance in my dining room. 

 

And we’ll address all of that in a later post, because the guy is coming this week.  First, I need to tell you about the most bizarre thing about this house.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

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My Unexamined Life

 

Okay, this is the last moving-related post.  I swear.  And it’s barely a moving post, since I’m not going to talk about the boxes that are the bane of my existence or how I still haven’t found my shampoo.  It’s cool, I’ll just buy more.

 

It’s just… remember the brain crabs? 

 

The ones we killed off when I, you know, found a place to live and totally pulled off this move even after everything went pear-shaped at the last fucking minute?

 

Turns out they’re armor-plated and radioactive. 

Glowing, radioactive cartoon crab with laser cannons for eyes

And they’re mutating.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

We’re STILL the Worst

 

My brain, normally full of ferrets, is now filled with pinching, angry crabs all screaming the same thing.

 

“YOU’RE GOING TO BE HOMELESS IN A STRANGE CITY!”

masses of red crabs marching across the sand and forest in their annual migration

“You know what the problem is?  You’re too picky!  And you’re looking on the wrong sites!  And you haven’t tried ALL the paid services!  Oh, you’d better check zillow again—it’s been almost five minutes!”

 

Fucking brain crabs. 

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!