Solution

 

Current state of the 6-foot glass box in my dining room:

 

Dibs has lived with us for about a month and I just caught him chasing a fish.

 

Slowly.

 

He broke off pursuit when he saw me and switched to begging for snacks.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

11 Stocking Stuffers I’d be THRILLED to Receive (or Give!)

 

I don’t know how things work in your family, but in this house stockings are Santa’s responsibility.

about a billion (or at least 16) stockings hung on a mantle

I’m not made of money, dammit!

 

That said, there’s nothing wrong with helping the big guy out once in a while.  The way I see it, the less effort he has to put into everyone else’s stockings the more time he has to devote to my gifts.

me with my red and green hair

The real reason for the season.

It is with this philosophy in mind that I give you the following excellent—and compact!—gift ideas

 

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There’s ALWAYS a Worse Flight

 

Why are you getting a Thursday post this week?  Because if you’re too busy fighting with your racist uncle to Internet today you’ll see it just fine on Friday, and I want to reward those of you who are refusing to engage with family today.

 

You are the real heroes.

 

Note for Canadians and other non-US persons: This post is mostly for YOU.  Because I know you’re sick of the entire internet being about our gluttonous holiday.[1]

roasted turkey twerking as gravy is poured over its ample bottom

Offspring escapes Afghanistan this week.  This means I was forced to go days without hearing from him at all whilst he quickly handed off vital information to the next team[2] and I quietly[3] prepared for the holidays, but it also got me thinking back to when he left.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!