Something About Fudge

 

Audrey’s famous Friendsmas party and cookie exchange is this weekend, which means we’ve got a sitter for the pets (a new one—you know her, actually… she’s the cultist from this story and sometimes I think they like her more than me) and we’re making the drive up to Wisconsin.  Which seems like a lot for a one day event, but you’ve never had those amazing truffles my new mom makes.

 

(HIMYM) Ted and Marshall singing "I Would Walk 500 Miles" in the car

 

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Taller and Deeper

 

Parents of small children, this post is not for you.

 

See, you think you’re living the best part of parenting, what with the first smiles and the first steps and the first days of school and the first school plays… and the first heated “I hate you!” still ages away.

little boy sitting at the table looking up at a grown-up, says "You are a terrible person"

Such a special age…

 

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Spectral Cat Toys are Cheaper

 

As I sit—taking a sweaty break from frantically cleaning up after handymen who track in some sort of prehistoric mud that only comes up if you scrape it—writing this post, we are only 72% sure Offspring will be joining us for Thanksgiving.  And, due to the stress of getting the house ready around said workmen, for a holiday dinner that may or may not include Private Squdgee BooBoo—who does not answer my texts when I tell him I am at the grocery store and need him to decide within the next 10 minutes whether he wants my thyme roasted carrots or the brown butter Brussels sprouts—I am admitting to you that you are not getting a written-on-Thanksgiving post-Thanksgiving post.

 

(looks back at weird, long, convoluted sentence)

Professor (in cardigan, sweater vest, tie and glasses) lecturing in front of blackboard concedes jovially, "All right, let's call that close enough"

This isn’t a grammar blog, y’all.

 

Instead, I feel like now is a good time to update you on what the Meth Ghosts have been up to.

 

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Can You Have Too Many Probes?

 

Friday’s child was un-fun and I promised you something lighter.

 

Can we talk holiday prep?  Because it’s me, and you know it’s already ridiculous.

 

This is my new favorite thing in the whole wide world:

 

red and white ribbon-wrapped pen with red maribou feather topper and jingle bells on top; lying across open planner page.

 

How… everything is that?  Sure, it’s not glittery—I actually thought about adding glitter or rinestones, but I didn’t want to be tacky.

 

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An Un-fun Update, But With Lube

 

Apologies in advance: this is more of an update, and probably not at all funny.  Something funny did happen and I do want to tell you about it, but I also want to keep you current on things that… well, you know.  So if you’re only here for the funny, go ahead and click off now, or re-read this post, which still makes Husband laugh.  I won’t judge.

(Mad Men) Joan Holloway, arms crossed, giving you a super-judgy once-over

Maybe just a little… 

 

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First Class Mistake

When last I left you, I was not going to be a sky pirate captain because my husband is a quitter—a died-in-the-wool giver-upper who never supports my dreams.

Angelina Jolie (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow) in her black uniform and eyepatch, on the deck of her skyship, against a background of clouds and skyscrapers

I’d have had a better hat, though.

I am, as it happens, still not a sky pirate captain.
I am, however, a person who has literally paid for a hotel by the hour, (though I’m sure the good people at Ramada don’t advertise this service) upgraded herself out of the best flight ever, and—because I love you—snapped a photo of the most mockable woman in all of Georgia.
Here’s what happened:

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