Captain Marvel: My Favorite DELETED SCENES

 

Captan Marvel poster featuring Captain Marvel, Nick Fury, and Yon-Rogg against a backdrop of futuristic cities, modern human jets, and explosions in space

 

Set aside your fears of girl power* and grunge, because the time has come to reveal my favorite deleted scenes from Captain Marvel, a film which features:

 

 

 

As always, these are deleted scenes, so if you haven’t seen the film yet (totally understandable, I won’t judge… unless you wait another week, then I’m judging you like woah) you won’t find any spoilers here.

 

I still haven’t forgiven Jake for spoiling The Force Awakens;*** I would never do that to you.

 

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Flat Earth

 

One of our favorite things—which you’d probably never guess unless you really know us—is stupid people and the shit they do for our entertainment.

 

Specifically, we will mockwatch* conspiracy shows,** documentaries about epic failure… whatever Netflix generously provides for our consumption.  (And it’s a lot.  Someone go thank them for all the good work they do—I’m busy drunk watching some bridezilla bitches scream about sequins)

 

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What I Do For Him

 

I make a thing out of Husband and his nerdery* around here, so it would be the easiest thing for you** to assume that I never share in his nonsense.  You might (quite reasonably!) assume that I am never the one to nerd all over our lunch date conversation, or make a terrible joke.

 

You might also assume that I didn’t eat a pound and a half of grapes yesterday, but then you’d be wrong about two things.

 

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Glass: My Favorite DELETED Scenes

 

Glass movie poster: a feeble Elijah Price sits in his wheelchair bathed in purple light; an anxious Hedwig leans forward in his chair, garbed in yellow and in a beam of bright yellow light; David Dunn is as relaxed as one can be while chained to the floor, in green scrubs and under an antiseptic greenish hospital light. Mirrored under each of the three is their alter-ego: Mr Glass stands tall and proud in his signature purple coat and leather, The Beast is stripped to the waist, muscles rippling, and The Overseer is hooded in his green slicker, a shadowy protecor.

There are a handful of movies coming in 2019 that will be getting this treatment, but I can’t say I’m as excited about any of them as I was for Glass.* And despite a poorly-timed release** I came away happy.

 

But!

 

I also feel sorry for all of you!  Because you didn’t get to see all the incredible deleted scenes, and I feel like they really add something—don’t they always?

 

Here then are my favorite deleted scenes from Glass, probably in no particular order… although I make no promises because frankly I’m getting hangry and you know how I get when I’m hangry.

(from Split) The Beast (James McAvoy) bares bloodied teeth as he bends iron bars of a cell

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Venom: My Favorite DELETED SCENES

 

Did anyone else see Venom this week?  I mean, some of you probably saw it last weekend, but I was busy making children cry and getting yelled at by their parents (that’s a whole ‘nother post) so I had to do it on a weeknight. 

 

Venom promo image, showing the oil-slick monster all drippy fangs and long pointy tongue next to his name in mist

 

Since I know you’ll ask, here are my notes:

 

  • My favorite part of a Spiderman movie is the part where there’s no spidersmen.
  • Riz Ahmed 1000% copied his character from this episode of Doctor Who.
  • The only likeable character in this movie was a parasitic alien, but I really liked him so it sort of balanced out.
  • Tom Hardy has been in a lot of things.  I know this because he’s totally recognizable every time.
  • I would like to thank Sony Pictures Entertainment for making an entire movie just so I could write more deleted scenes.  Now please, sell all this shit back to Marvel.  * 

 

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Deadpool 2: My Favorite DELETED Scenes

 

Apologies if you’re not a Marvel fan, or a Deadpool fan.* 

 

 

In all seriousness, I did consider not doing another one of these—the response to my Infinity War post was pretty lackluster and that film was an easier target.  But then I assessed the facts:

  1. This is my blog.
  2. I really enjoyed writing those “scenes.”
  3. I really really wish y’all had liked them as much as I did. Because I thought that shit was funny.
  4. There’s a nonzero chance the post was fine and I just marketed it wrong, putting the word “spoiler” in the title like a dumbass.

 

So I’m trying again, even though Deadpool 2 was conspicuously light on deleted scenes—Wade has no problem mocking himself or his source material, which leaves little on the cutting room floor.

 

nb: THERE ARE NO SPOILERS AHEAD.  ZERO.  You can absolutely read this post and then go see the movie without fear that I’ve ruined anything.  None of these scenes appear in the movie that is currently in theaters.  It’s possible some of them will be released on the DVD, but that’s bonus material and nobody told me not to spoil that shit.

Deadpool, in full suit and stripper heels, sprawls on stage beside the incomparable Celine Dion

 

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