It’s a Cat’s World

 

My friends, this blog is in serious trouble.

 

Husband and I—the people you’ve come to rely on as your semi-weekly sources of wit and dazzling conversation—are getting to be really really astonishingly boring.

A young couple sits side-by-side, drinks at the ready, looking away from each other with bored expressions.

 

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O, Chraoibh Puinnseanta!

 

Al* reminded me this weekend that I haven’t introduced the world to my Christmas tree this year, and we discussed the reason why.

 

Well, reasons.

 

Well, reason.

 

Okay, this is already getting complicated but the problem is I truly don’t know where to begin.  Do I start with whose fault it is, or the first problem, or the end result?

(Hellraiser) Pinhead (man with nails in face) saying, "Shall we begin?"

 

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Spectral Cat Toys are Cheaper

 

As I sit—taking a sweaty break from frantically cleaning up after handymen who track in some sort of prehistoric mud that only comes up if you scrape it—writing this post, we are only 72% sure Offspring will be joining us for Thanksgiving.  And, due to the stress of getting the house ready around said workmen, for a holiday dinner that may or may not include Private Squdgee BooBoo—who does not answer my texts when I tell him I am at the grocery store and need him to decide within the next 10 minutes whether he wants my thyme roasted carrots or the brown butter Brussels sprouts—I am admitting to you that you are not getting a written-on-Thanksgiving post-Thanksgiving post.

 

(looks back at weird, long, convoluted sentence)

Professor (in cardigan, sweater vest, tie and glasses) lecturing in front of blackboard concedes jovially, "All right, let's call that close enough"

This isn’t a grammar blog, y’all.

 

Instead, I feel like now is a good time to update you on what the Meth Ghosts have been up to.

 

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We Are Fam Nao!

 

For me, the bloom is already off the rose on this (abso-fucking-lutely haunted) house.

 

Now that the hot water and air conditioning issues are solved we have: doors that don’t open, doors that don’t close, windows that don’t open, outlets that don’t work, and goddamned bugs showing up.

looping gif, endless parade of giant beetles marches by

Go on, count ’em.

 

I’ve woken up every morning to dead spiders in the middle of the hall and random rooms.  And the crickets!  They’re just… wandering around the middle of the house.  Crickets, for those unfamiliar with the species, are not known for their desire to be indoors.  And since we are not open the windows and get some fresh air people there’s no rational explanation for their sudden appearance in my dining room. 

 

And we’ll address all of that in a later post, because the guy is coming this week.  First, I need to tell you about the most bizarre thing about this house.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!