One day last year, my friend was having a rough day. A terrible, awful, no good, very bad day. She was also pregnant and miserable and stressy…. and I promised to motivate and inspire her because that’s what I do.
Shut up. I do. Yes. I do.
Oh, what do you know.
Anyway, that day began a
horrible fun little project of mine, designed to bring a smile to that poor miserable cow’s* face.
It worked! For more than a month, I sent her a motivational cliché and matching image every single day, and she had something to look forward to while she was too nauseated to work and too miserable to enjoy staying home.
Eventually, I branched out into motivational quotes by inspiring people: entrepreneurs, athletes, actors, writers… always matching the quote with the image that popped to my mind when I read it. (this should be your first clue that shit got weird)
After a month or so, I had gotten busy, was continuing to neglect my blog in favor of creating these little gems, and I called an end to it after Halloween. But, through it all, my friend kept telling me what a shame it was that other people (the Internet) weren’t able to see inside my head through these posts.
It’s taken me all these months to arrive at a place where I think I’m comfortable sharing these; where I can believe that you, my dear readers and followers (love every one of your precious faces, I do!) have the requisite sense of humor, understanding of satire, and healthy respect for irreverence, to see these things and get a chuckle rather than lynching me.
I have decided to make these a Saturday bonus feature, and will probably do some moving them around while I sort out how WordPress will let me organize them (if anyone’s got some tips other than the move to wordpress.org, they will find in me a perfectly willing student) while keeping them all together and semi-isolated. Because, other than the fact that I showed each one to Husband before sending them off to Friend – and he laughed at every single one of these, yes he did – they really haven’t got a lot to do with him.
This is just me, branching out and showing a bit more of myself to you in the hopes that you will embrace and celebrate it. If you really hate it and want to throw rubbish at me…. well, fuck off, I guess, because it’s still my blog.
I’m so fucking fancy… I’ve even put them on Pinterest!
UPDATE: After one year of motivating the masses, I decided to up my game by pulling my quotes only from beloved children’s books. In NEM #52 I announced that this would be a temporary feature “for a few weeks” but it’s still going strong as of whatever date you’re reading now, so… what the fuck do I know?
UPDATIER UPDATE: In the wake of much soul-searching and a whole lot of people ribbing me about “the book” I’ve accepted that I’m not a person who can run three regular posts per week, an NEM every weekend, and still put in quality effort on outside projects. Especially not when I refuse to give up time spent reading and interacting in other spaces online—I count on connections to other writers to keep me sane, y’all. So for right now, NEM is a “whenever I feel like it” feature. I’m liking this schedule. I’m very sorry if you don’t, but the good news is that you’re welcome to peruse the old classics, and if you find a quote that’s just screaming for a horrible image to match… I’ve got quite the library. Really. Like, if I die tomorrow—hit by a bus while fleeing a jealous ex-lover armed wielding a machete is the dream—Husband is under instructions to find and donate that folder to the Twisted Li’l Demons Home for Children Destined to Write Horror.
*if you’ve never been pregnant, you don’t get an opinion on us calling ourselves that.