Sometimes a Van is Just…


Husband is leaving me.


Kermit the Frog flailing arms screaming PANIC!!!


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What a Crock(pot)


Sometimes I worry that you think I’m only this way with him; that I can behave like a normal adult person out in public, but he somehow presses my adolescent-humor-plus-toddler-attention-span button.


Deepika Padukone nope reaction



Please know that this is not the case. 


To prove it to you, let me tell you this year’s Saga of Crock Pots.




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Aaaalll By Myself


all by myself


Day One go off to a GREAT start, you guys. Seriously. Stellar.

I got lost on my way to the grocery store. The one right by my house, the one I go to all the goddamned time. I was maybe a mile away from home and suddenly I was taking a wrong turn and found myself on that weird circular street in my town that just goes around and around the circular park. (There’s an egg-shaped park, too, but I don’t think it was that one)
So I pulled over and asked my phone to help me find the nice place with the people who have the carrot muffins and the good yogurt, and the instructions were: “Take your third left; your destination is right in front of you.”

Bitchy phone, getting smart with me when I’m tired.


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