The Face Wipe Flare-Up

 

We all know, by now, about The List, right?

 

Santa's naughty or nice list

Wrong list.

 

 

When I first conceived of The List, it was to give you a quick-reference—somewhere to check on a bored Wednesday afternoon (instead of working, obviously) to see that your relationship is comparatively normal and confirm that you are not, in fact, over-reacting.

 

Because you have not yet thrown a pot at anyone’s head.

 

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Sarcasm is the Language of Love

 

Sarcasm is a vital component to a healthy marriage.  I contend that  sarcasm is second only to arguing in terms of keeping your relationship fresh; indeed, a well-placed bit of snark can jump-start an argument almost as quickly as a call from your bank’s fraud prevention department.

 

ME:  I mean, obviously I’m not saying you used the debit card to pay hookers-
HIM:  nope!
ME:  That’s all on me, because I never carry cash
HIM:  Yeah, they always insist on cash from me.

 

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I Know Color

 

When we bought this house, like most first-time homeowners, we saw nothing but potential.  We saw the tall original windows, the large rooms and convenient (for us, for others it’s a weird maze with too many doors) layout, and our brains automatically overwrote all the ugly because we were certain that it would all be “easy enough to fix.”

 

Heh.  Tiles are not a small issue.  Also, in case it ever comes up in your life: a pink bathtub is not a small issue.  Nor is the pink sink and the pink toilet that go with it.  I am not even kidding about these things.  And then they leaked.

money pit tub falling

Shown: a disaster with more square footage.

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Things My Husband and I Have Argued About*

cartoon fight cloud

(a blatant Mil Millington ripoff)

I cannot reasonably list for you every single disagreement that we’ve ever had.  I’m sorry, but too much of my precious brainspace is dedicated to never thinking of these things again, and to recall them for you would put all that effort to waste.  Also, you’ve had plenty of ordinary arguments, you don’t need to read about mine.  No, what I’m offering you here is a sampling of that special something that can only be found à chez nous.  To date, we have had significant, repeatable, long-running rows on such hot-button topics as:

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