If you thought we were done Christmassing around here you’re not just wrong, you’re Elf on the Shelf levels of wrong.
Also, you must be new here. Welcome!
Al* reminded me this weekend that I haven’t introduced the world to my Christmas tree this year, and we discussed the reason why.
Okay, this is already getting complicated but the problem is I truly don’t know where to begin. Do I start with whose fault it is, or the first problem, or the end result?
I don’t know about the rest of the world (blame the public school system for that) but here in the US Thanksgiving is behind us and the holiday shopping season is in full swing.
Now, the internet is going to be full of advice for you: where to find the best sales, 10 Reasons to Do All Your Holiday Shopping Online, 7 Reasons to Get Out of the House and Shop Local, reminders that pets are forever and don’t make good gifts, etc. It’s the same shit every year, isn’t it?
There will also be loads of gift guides out there for people you don’t really have any difficulty buying for: Dad, caffeine addict, film buff; or for people you don’t actually have in your life: the wine expert, the world traveler, the modern art collector.
None of that here. How ‘bout a gift guide for the people you wish you didn’t have to buy a gift for?
I know you’re all anxious for a Christmas update. But first, I think it’s important that you know something about the person you’re talking to.
I’m still an early riser on Christmas Day.
Today, for many of you, is Boxing Day—the day after Christmas Day.
However, I must write to you from the past, because I am still christmassing just that hard.
Come up to my level, will you?
‘Tis the season, friends.
I’m writing to you from my favorite spot in the whole house—three and a half feet from a tree that looks like it stepped out of a Macy’s window to spend the season with us—wearing jingle bell earrings and a jingle bell bracelet and a jingle bell necklace,* because if you don’t jingle all the way you’re not Christmassing hard enough and you don’t get eggnog shakes with cookie dough vodka in.
Them’s the rules.
This Christmas has been especially hectic for me—for reasons I hope to reveal very soon—and I confess I’ve left myself very little time for blogging, blog reading, or any of the other blog-related things I usually do all week long. Instead, I’ve been picking time’s pocket, pilfering stray minutes to get my Christmas cards out (yeah, that happened so embarrassingly late that no international cards could go out this year), paint uncooperative teenagers for the school play (then spending hours after trimming green out of my cuticles, because when you use the cheap stuff it stains), wrangle Husband and Offspring into their Christmas shopping because they keep thinking they’ve got weeks left to go (they manifestly do not), and do 100% of my shopping online because I don’t have time to leave the house for anything that isn’t one of the 87 bajillion errands that crop up each day.
All of this to say I’m about to get lazy on your asses. I’m going to recycle material.