Ready or Not: My Favorite DELETED Scenes

Ready or Not movie banner features tagline: "A killer game of hide and seek"

Ooh, it’s been a minute since I did one of these, hasn’t it?

 

Look, it’s not that I haven’t been to films, or that they haven’t been worth our time… it’s more that there’s a recent trend[1] to give away less of the actual film in the trailer.  More, “here’s your premise, are you interested?” and less, “here’s a showcase of scenes you can expect that basically serve as an outline for the whole damned plot—wouldn’t want you to accuse us of a twist or anything, haha!”  In the former case, I hate to bring spoilers in the form of even Deleted Scenes.

 

Ready or Not is another animal entirely.  Poor misunderstood film… I’ve seen reviewers calling it a horror and—as a paid ambassador of the horror industry—I’m disappointed in their spatter-based  assumption.  This was clearly a Gory Comedy, fraternal twin and kindred spirit to the Dark Comedy (which produced such lovable favorites as War of the Roses and Burn After Reading.)[2]

 

If you’re the sort of person who has to leave the room when your favorite character gets stitches in any other film, I give you leave to skip this one.

 

If, on the other hand, you’re the sort of person who is intrigued when I say you will laugh your ass off every time someone dies?  Stop what you’re doing immediately and go see Ready or Not.

 

Then come back and check out these excellent Deleted Scenes which, sadly, didn’t quite make the… cut.

(Ready or Not) the Family gather, holding lanterns and weapons

 

I’ll see myself out.

 

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MiB International: My Favorite DELETED SCENES

 

MiB International

If you’re a fan of conspiracy theories, or sexually motivated aliens, or monochromatic swagger, then you’ve probably already seen Men in Black: International.

 

But you haven’t seen the deleted scenes… yet.

 

My darlings, I went to bat for every single one of these gems.  I begged, pleaded, and—I’m not proud—offered myself to Chris Hemsworth to get these scenes into the theatrical release.  But I was overruled… and escorted out of the building, because apparently forging a security pass is a “serious offense” or whatever.

 

They can’t erase my memories!*  Or my notes, which I scribbled furiously for your benefit.  So here, in no particular order, are my favorite deleted scenes from Men in Black: International

 

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Avengers Endgame: My Favorite DELETED SCENES

 

First off, endless apologies for the delay in getting these deleted scenes to your eyeballs.  You’d think I spent the extra time stealing the film canisters (or at the very least animating or otherwise recreating them for you*) but no; as those of you who follow me on the book of faces know, I’ve been up to my tits in family drama and then recovering from said family drama.  I’m actually sat here typing out an apology to you instead of showering, if that brings you any comfort.**

 

By now every last one of you has seen Avengers: Endgame.  But what you haven’t seen—because only I and a handful of people who were there when these gems hit the cutting room floor—are the epic deleted scenes that would never see the light of day if not for a certain loudmouth blogger who takes notes everywhere she goes.  Now, obviously I had to promise not to tell you about all of them—got to save something for the extended cut blu ray and all that—but here are a few of my favorites; the ones that got me through the really tough times these past weeks (like sitting in a sub-arctic theatre for three hours with a four-gallon beverage cup, knowing neither theatre nor cup would ever empty enough for me to do what needed to be done.  I should’ve ordered more popcorn.)

 

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Captain Marvel: My Favorite DELETED SCENES

 

Captan Marvel poster featuring Captain Marvel, Nick Fury, and Yon-Rogg against a backdrop of futuristic cities, modern human jets, and explosions in space

 

Set aside your fears of girl power* and grunge, because the time has come to reveal my favorite deleted scenes from Captain Marvel, a film which features:

 

 

 

As always, these are deleted scenes, so if you haven’t seen the film yet (totally understandable, I won’t judge… unless you wait another week, then I’m judging you like woah) you won’t find any spoilers here.

 

I still haven’t forgiven Jake for spoiling The Force Awakens;*** I would never do that to you.

 

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Glass: My Favorite DELETED Scenes

 

Glass movie poster: a feeble Elijah Price sits in his wheelchair bathed in purple light; an anxious Hedwig leans forward in his chair, garbed in yellow and in a beam of bright yellow light; David Dunn is as relaxed as one can be while chained to the floor, in green scrubs and under an antiseptic greenish hospital light. Mirrored under each of the three is their alter-ego: Mr Glass stands tall and proud in his signature purple coat and leather, The Beast is stripped to the waist, muscles rippling, and The Overseer is hooded in his green slicker, a shadowy protecor.

There are a handful of movies coming in 2019 that will be getting this treatment, but I can’t say I’m as excited about any of them as I was for Glass.* And despite a poorly-timed release** I came away happy.

 

But!

 

I also feel sorry for all of you!  Because you didn’t get to see all the incredible deleted scenes, and I feel like they really add something—don’t they always?

 

Here then are my favorite deleted scenes from Glass, probably in no particular order… although I make no promises because frankly I’m getting hangry and you know how I get when I’m hangry.

(from Split) The Beast (James McAvoy) bares bloodied teeth as he bends iron bars of a cell

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Venom: My Favorite DELETED SCENES

 

Did anyone else see Venom this week?  I mean, some of you probably saw it last weekend, but I was busy making children cry and getting yelled at by their parents (that’s a whole ‘nother post) so I had to do it on a weeknight. 

 

Venom promo image, showing the oil-slick monster all drippy fangs and long pointy tongue next to his name in mist

 

Since I know you’ll ask, here are my notes:

 

  • My favorite part of a Spiderman movie is the part where there’s no spidersmen.
  • Riz Ahmed 1000% copied his character from this episode of Doctor Who.
  • The only likeable character in this movie was a parasitic alien, but I really liked him so it sort of balanced out.
  • Tom Hardy has been in a lot of things.  I know this because he’s totally recognizable every time.
  • I would like to thank Sony Pictures Entertainment for making an entire movie just so I could write more deleted scenes.  Now please, sell all this shit back to Marvel.  * 

 

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Deadpool 2: My Favorite DELETED Scenes

 

Apologies if you’re not a Marvel fan, or a Deadpool fan.* 

 

 

In all seriousness, I did consider not doing another one of these—the response to my Infinity War post was pretty lackluster and that film was an easier target.  But then I assessed the facts:

  1. This is my blog.
  2. I really enjoyed writing those “scenes.”
  3. I really really wish y’all had liked them as much as I did. Because I thought that shit was funny.
  4. There’s a nonzero chance the post was fine and I just marketed it wrong, putting the word “spoiler” in the title like a dumbass.

 

So I’m trying again, even though Deadpool 2 was conspicuously light on deleted scenes—Wade has no problem mocking himself or his source material, which leaves little on the cutting room floor.

 

nb: THERE ARE NO SPOILERS AHEAD.  ZERO.  You can absolutely read this post and then go see the movie without fear that I’ve ruined anything.  None of these scenes appear in the movie that is currently in theaters.  It’s possible some of them will be released on the DVD, but that’s bonus material and nobody told me not to spoil that shit.

Deadpool, in full suit and stripper heels, sprawls on stage beside the incomparable Celine Dion

 

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