2018 Gift Guide For the Rest of Us

 

I don’t know about the rest of the world (blame the public school system for that) but here in the US Thanksgiving is behind us and the holiday shopping season is in full swing. 

 

Now, the internet is going to be full of advice for you: where to find the best sales, 10 Reasons to Do All Your Holiday Shopping Online, 7 Reasons to Get Out of the House and Shop Local, reminders that pets are forever and don’t make good gifts, etc.  It’s the same shit every year, isn’t it?

 

There will also be loads of gift guides out there for people you don’t really have any difficulty buying for: Dad, caffeine addict, film buff; or for people you don’t actually have in your life: the wine expert, the world traveler, the modern art collector.

 

None of that here.  How ‘bout a gift guide for the people you wish you didn’t have to buy a gift for?

stressed woman wrapping Christmas gifts

Jingle ALL the way!

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Can You Have Too Many Probes?

 

Friday’s child was un-fun and I promised you something lighter.

 

Can we talk holiday prep?  Because it’s me, and you know it’s already ridiculous.

 

This is my new favorite thing in the whole wide world:

 

red and white ribbon-wrapped pen with red maribou feather topper and jingle bells on top; lying across open planner page.

 

How… everything is that?  Sure, it’s not glittery—I actually thought about adding glitter or rinestones, but I didn’t want to be tacky.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

Everyday Motherhood

 

If you’re in the US, Sunday was Mother’s Day.

 

If you’re elsewhere in the world, Mother’s Day was probably on a whole ‘nother day months ago.  Wikipedia informs me there are like a billion Mother’s Days and basically this is one of the few times I’m glad to have the shit mother I was born with because my brain ferrets went nuts when they saw that list and started insisting that we should celebrate all the dates.  With themesAND COSTUMES

 

clipart of costumed multicultural children from Disney's Small World ride

 

My brain ferrets are not culturally sensitive.   

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

Ah, Faaaaaamily

 

‘Tis the season, friends.

 

'Tis the season for balls (brainlesstales.com)

Well, yes.  But also…

 

I’m writing to you from my favorite spot in the whole house—three and a half feet from a tree that looks like it stepped out of a Macy’s window to spend the season with us—wearing jingle bell earrings and a jingle bell bracelet and a jingle bell necklace,* because if you don’t jingle all the way you’re not Christmassing hard enough and you don’t get eggnog shakes with cookie dough vodka in. 

 

cookie dough vodka

Yas plz.

 

Them’s the rules.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!