11 Stocking Stuffers I’d be THRILLED to Receive (or Give!)

 

I don’t know how things work in your family, but in this house stockings are Santa’s responsibility.

about a billion (or at least 16) stockings hung on a mantle

I’m not made of money, dammit!

 

That said, there’s nothing wrong with helping the big guy out once in a while.  The way I see it, the less effort he has to put into everyone else’s stockings the more time he has to devote to my gifts.

me with my red and green hair

The real reason for the season.

It is with this philosophy in mind that I give you the following excellent—and compact!—gift ideas

 

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“Fine”

 

The shopping blitz is upon us, I’ve just got the kitchen clean,[1] and I’m about to spend this whole week baking for a party this weekend.

 

Can we take a momentary break from the usual themed posts and just do a sort of general State of the Fam update?

(New Girl) Jess and Schmidt laughing; text on top image reads, "HAHAHA.  What a dumb idea."  Bottom image is closeup of Jess doing a serious face, text reads "Do it."

 

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There’s ALWAYS a Worse Flight

 

Why are you getting a Thursday post this week?  Because if you’re too busy fighting with your racist uncle to Internet today you’ll see it just fine on Friday, and I want to reward those of you who are refusing to engage with family today.

 

You are the real heroes.

 

Note for Canadians and other non-US persons: This post is mostly for YOU.  Because I know you’re sick of the entire internet being about our gluttonous holiday.[1]

roasted turkey twerking as gravy is poured over its ample bottom

Offspring escapes Afghanistan this week.  This means I was forced to go days without hearing from him at all whilst he quickly handed off vital information to the next team[2] and I quietly[3] prepared for the holidays, but it also got me thinking back to when he left.

 

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O, Chraoibh Puinnseanta!

 

Al* reminded me this weekend that I haven’t introduced the world to my Christmas tree this year, and we discussed the reason why.

 

Well, reasons.

 

Well, reason.

 

Okay, this is already getting complicated but the problem is I truly don’t know where to begin.  Do I start with whose fault it is, or the first problem, or the end result?

(Hellraiser) Pinhead (man with nails in face) saying, "Shall we begin?"

 

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2018 Gift Guide For the Rest of Us

 

I don’t know about the rest of the world (blame the public school system for that) but here in the US Thanksgiving is behind us and the holiday shopping season is in full swing. 

 

Now, the internet is going to be full of advice for you: where to find the best sales, 10 Reasons to Do All Your Holiday Shopping Online, 7 Reasons to Get Out of the House and Shop Local, reminders that pets are forever and don’t make good gifts, etc.  It’s the same shit every year, isn’t it?

 

There will also be loads of gift guides out there for people you don’t really have any difficulty buying for: Dad, caffeine addict, film buff; or for people you don’t actually have in your life: the wine expert, the world traveler, the modern art collector.

 

None of that here.  How ‘bout a gift guide for the people you wish you didn’t have to buy a gift for?

stressed woman wrapping Christmas gifts

Jingle ALL the way!

Can You Have Too Many Probes?

 

Friday’s child was un-fun and I promised you something lighter.

 

Can we talk holiday prep?  Because it’s me, and you know it’s already ridiculous.

 

This is my new favorite thing in the whole wide world:

 

red and white ribbon-wrapped pen with red maribou feather topper and jingle bells on top; lying across open planner page.

 

How… everything is that?  Sure, it’s not glittery—I actually thought about adding glitter or rinestones, but I didn’t want to be tacky.

 

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Everyday Motherhood

 

If you’re in the US, Sunday was Mother’s Day.

 

If you’re elsewhere in the world, Mother’s Day was probably on a whole ‘nother day months ago.  Wikipedia informs me there are like a billion Mother’s Days and basically this is one of the few times I’m glad to have the shit mother I was born with because my brain ferrets went nuts when they saw that list and started insisting that we should celebrate all the dates.  With themesAND COSTUMES

 

clipart of costumed multicultural children from Disney's Small World ride

 

My brain ferrets are not culturally sensitive.   

 

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