I Think It’s In California?

 

Husband is going to yet another fancy conference for smart people who design things.

 

That’s not what it’s called, of course, but he explained it to me* and I literally felt the 16% of my brain that had been active fuck off and go looking for trouble.  

Basenji in snow booties (so cute!) yo's; text reads, "All I heard was BLAH BLAH BLAH"

But!  Did I let my ignorance stand in the way of my god-given right to complain?

 

You know I didn’t.

 

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My Fall Risk

 

If you are a married person, or a person who is in a long-term relationship, or a person who loves someone very much…

 

cute couple

 

Or even just a person who loves a good laugh at the expense of another human being…

Liar Liar Jim Carrey laughing at annoyed woman

I cannot recommend enough the experience of being The Driver for someone who is having an outpatient procedure requiring general anesthesia.

 

I know, I know… you need me to back up.

 

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First Class Mistake

When last I left you, I was not going to be a sky pirate captain because my husband is a quitter—a died-in-the-wool giver-upper who never supports my dreams.

Angelina Jolie (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow) in her black uniform and eyepatch, on the deck of her skyship, against a background of clouds and skyscrapers

I’d have had a better hat, though.

I am, as it happens, still not a sky pirate captain.
I am, however, a person who has literally paid for a hotel by the hour, (though I’m sure the good people at Ramada don’t advertise this service) upgraded herself out of the best flight ever, and—because I love you—snapped a photo of the most mockable woman in all of Georgia.
Here’s what happened:

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Or “Buying Stuff”

 

It is a fact universally acknowledged that husbands—not men, mind you, but husbands, who must hold purses and sit in designated creepy chairs or husband playpens—hate shopping.

 

 

Husband contends that the actual issue is that he sees no reason to shop, ever; I shop, he claims, while he buys things.

 

But, whatever the reason—and I’m sure we can agree it can’t possibly be anything to do with my sunny self—I’ve begun to suspect he’s particularly reluctant to shop with me.

 

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Man Panties

 

We’ve been over the shopping thing, and the reasons why he doesn’t take me with him.  You’re all familiar with his rules and how boring he makes shopping, and his aversion to awesome, and you know as well as I do that he only complains about my presence and the things I do when I’m there. 

 

Brace yourselves, because I just got in trouble for not being there.

Oprah is stunned, confused, speechless

 

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