Hank and the Meth Ghosts


I am






I really wanted to be done telling you about the moving stuff. 


Seriously, how much do you even care at this point?


But moving day…


It was a catastrofuck.


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We’re STILL the Worst


My brain, normally full of ferrets, is now filled with pinching, angry crabs all screaming the same thing.



masses of red crabs marching across the sand and forest in their annual migration

“You know what the problem is?  You’re too picky!  And you’re looking on the wrong sites!  And you haven’t tried ALL the paid services!  Oh, you’d better check zillow again—it’s been almost five minutes!”


Fucking brain crabs. 


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I Brought the GOOD Cupcakes


My friend Audrey is awesome and kind and forgiving… and completely intolerant of people moving away from her.


She’s also intolerant of a particular shirt I own, but we’ll get to that later.  The point is, she’s made reference several times to the fact that people who move away (and are therefore neither seen nor heard from again) are “dead to her.” 

(Parks & Rec) Leslie Knope saying "Wow, okay, well, you know what we had a good run but he's dead to me now."

Actual footage.


Don’t stop now – keep reading!