Flat Earth

 

One of our favorite things—which you’d probably never guess unless you really know us—is stupid people and the shit they do for our entertainment.

 

Specifically, we will mockwatch* conspiracy shows,** documentaries about epic failure… whatever Netflix generously provides for our consumption.  (And it’s a lot.  Someone go thank them for all the good work they do—I’m busy drunk watching some bridezilla bitches scream about sequins)

 

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Americone Warfare

 

One of the many things Husband and I do not agree on is ice cream. 

star wars ice cream flavors; pint of The Light Side and pint of The Dark Side

Not quite like this: both of these still taste good.

 

Yes, we’ve addressed the temperature issue before but don’t worry—we’re not into reruns yet.  This is about flavor, which some might argue is even more important since it cannot be corrected once you’ve left the store.

 

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Name That Tune

 

Relationships are at their best when they are changing, evolving.  A stagnant relationship gives both parties a chance to get bored, and bored people tend to notice how unrelentingly irritating the person they live with really is.

 

Noticing shit, according to a recent report by lawyers who probably don’t exist, is the leading cause of divorce.

professional woman points out items on contract to out-of-focus client in foreground

“We can absolutely bring up the pillow drool if you want, and I don’t doubt the judge will consider it… but if we do, she’ll DEFINITELY mention the skid marks.”

 

 

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What I Do For Him

 

I make a thing out of Husband and his nerdery* around here, so it would be the easiest thing for you** to assume that I never share in his nonsense.  You might (quite reasonably!) assume that I am never the one to nerd all over our lunch date conversation, or make a terrible joke.

 

You might also assume that I didn’t eat a pound and a half of grapes yesterday, but then you’d be wrong about two things.

 

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