What’s your fucking deal?
No, I’m being serious here. And—to avoid confusion—this time I’m speaking directly to the citizens of Missouri, as opposed to the state itself (we’ll get back to you, I’m sure).
Warning: Rant Ahead.
But don’t worry; it has a happy ending.
We are here, you will recall, to discuss The Bug issue.
Well, not “discuss” in the traditional format, obviously; you are there and I am here and there’s a temporal disconnect as well. More “discuss” in the book club sense; I’ll tell you a story, and then maybe we’ll have a discussion question at the end. Won’t that be fun?
Shut up, it’s better than working. And if you’re not reading on your employer’s time it’s not my fault.
I really wanted to be done telling you about the moving stuff.
Seriously, how much do you even care at this point?
But moving day…
It was a catastrofuck.
I feel like this is the season for bonding, so I’m going to tell you an important step to going from Acquaintance, Person I Like, or Person Who Is Allowed to Buy Me Coffee to WE ARE FRIENDS NOW.
You gotta be willing to hate along with me. And you’ve got to be on board with my reasons.
Now, this is not a requirement for fans, so if your goal is to continue to read my blogs and have me love you to bits for reading the words that I blurt out into the ether, don’t stress this next bit. But if you want to actually sit next to me while I drink that coffee, or really just keep up with my in-person conversations?
Yeah, this is a thing.
This is how my friend Audrey learned the rule:
It is an established fact here at ACWMH Inc LLC ©Trademark Limited that Husband™ is the expert on comic books and comic book movies, while I am a person who had sex in high school and can’t keep straight which characters are “real” superheroes and which ones were invented by Disney.
You wouldn’t guess it without having spent some time with me at home, but my #1 frustration in life is telemarketers and phone scammers.
But I’m not frustrated like you are: it’s not because they interrupt important conversations, or because they’re annoying thieves, or any other reason you might think of.