Our Bedroom Problems

 

There are a few pieces of marital advice that must be universal, for all that they’re utter crap:

  • Never go to bed angry. Clearly, the person who first uttered this “advice” had never had angry sex or make-up sex—both of which are more likely, at a certain age, with a soft surface nearby.  Also, sometimes what two people need in order to see how ridiculous they’re being is a good night’s sleep!
  • Share everything, including hobbies. While I can’t imagine being happily married to someone with whom I had no common interests, if you’ve got no time apart what’s there to communicate about?  Seriously, how do you start an interesting conversation with someone who just lived all day in your hip pocket?
  • Total honesty is always the best policy. Ummm, no thank you?  I honestly don’t need to hear the details from dudes’ weekend—my man came home with his virtue intact (well… to the extent that he left with, anyway) and that’s all I need to know.  No—please, no specifics on who bought what, tried what, or whether they showered after.  I may want to eat again someday.
  • Never fight in the bedroom. Yeah, about that…

 

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Name That Tune

 

Relationships are at their best when they are changing, evolving.  A stagnant relationship gives both parties a chance to get bored, and bored people tend to notice how unrelentingly irritating the person they live with really is.

 

Noticing shit, according to a recent report by lawyers who probably don’t exist, is the leading cause of divorce.

professional woman points out items on contract to out-of-focus client in foreground

“We can absolutely bring up the pillow drool if you want, and I don’t doubt the judge will consider it… but if we do, she’ll DEFINITELY mention the skid marks.”

 

 

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