My Sims House

 

It’s time for y’all to get to know me better. 

 

Things you already knew:

Prince, wearing midnight sparkly hooded cloak, performs a flawless smirk-and-twirl-away maneuver

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

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Actually, He’s a Dick

 

I know you’ve been waiting to hear about all the exciting repairs going on around my house but I’ve got to be honest with you: I’m still trying to get them to understand that having a door that doesn’t open is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Crazy Pills

 

Seriously—and here I’m going to deviate from my intended topic, which is the Official Inspection, to tell you about the “handyman” they sent by to deal with: 1) a back door that doesn’t open, 2) a gate that doesn’t close, and 3) an outlet that doesn’t work. 

 

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Where I Am

 

I have news.

 

Big news.  NEWSY news. 

megaphone held against blackboard displaying the words "breaking news"

 

Actually, most of you won’t or wouldn’t care about it one way or another but it’s a major life update and will be informing like, all the things for a while so I have to tell you.

 

But I can’t just come out and tell you!  That would be normal.  Boring!  The well-traveled path of mediocrity which, we have established, shall never know the kiss of my Sketchers,* requires blurting and therefore I will not blurt.

 

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Call Me Doomfinger

 

Everyone’s aware I’ve had a rough time of it lately, yeah?  I mean, I don’t need to go into all the reasons I can’t handle even one more thing going wrong right now—you just understand, because you’ve been following along and you get me, right?

 

Y’all, Clara started dropping leaves.

 

keyboard with PANIC! key

 

What’s worse, the lovely people who gave her to me have moved away. 

 

What’s that?  You don’t see how that’s relevant?  Clearly you’ve forgotten my many issues surrounding gifts.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!