So. Many. Updates!

 

Let’s start today with something good: I have a clean front door—no gross sign!

 

crowd of The Simpsons characters cheering on the sidewalk

 

The inspection was actually before Christmas, but there was a lot going on at the same time and what with one thing and another I didn’t get around to telling you.  Partly because—in the manner we’ve come to expect from Sham Property Management Inc, LLC—even after the house “passed” and everything was “done” the final step took for goddamned ever.

 

I’ve got some possible Meth Ghost news to get to, so I won’t bore you with the details.*

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

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My Fall Risk

 

If you are a married person, or a person who is in a long-term relationship, or a person who loves someone very much…

 

cute couple

 

Or even just a person who loves a good laugh at the expense of another human being…

Liar Liar Jim Carrey laughing at annoyed woman

I cannot recommend enough the experience of being The Driver for someone who is having an outpatient procedure requiring general anesthesia.

 

I know, I know… you need me to back up.

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!

An Un-fun Update, But With Lube

 

Apologies in advance: this is more of an update, and probably not at all funny.  Something funny did happen and I do want to tell you about it, but I also want to keep you current on things that… well, you know.  So if you’re only here for the funny, go ahead and click off now, or re-read this post, which still makes Husband laugh.  I won’t judge.

(Mad Men) Joan Holloway, arms crossed, giving you a super-judgy once-over

Maybe just a little… 

 

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Actually, He’s a Dick

 

I know you’ve been waiting to hear about all the exciting repairs going on around my house but I’ve got to be honest with you: I’m still trying to get them to understand that having a door that doesn’t open is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Crazy Pills

 

Seriously—and here I’m going to deviate from my intended topic, which is the Official Inspection, to tell you about the “handyman” they sent by to deal with: 1) a back door that doesn’t open, 2) a gate that doesn’t close, and 3) an outlet that doesn’t work. 

 

Don’t stop now – keep reading!