It’s time for y’all to get to know me better.
Things you already knew:
- My name is Chase
- I married an Engineer
- I don’t have a zoo yet, but I really want one
- My favorite color is glitter
I know you’ve been waiting to hear about all the exciting repairs going on around my house but I’ve got to be honest with you: I’m still trying to get them to understand that having a door that doesn’t open is a BIG FUCKING DEAL.
Seriously—and here I’m going to deviate from my intended topic, which is the Official Inspection, to tell you about the “handyman” they sent by to deal with: 1) a back door that doesn’t open, 2) a gate that doesn’t close, and 3) an outlet that doesn’t work.
So there I was—here I was, really, since I’m here again
plonking away at something or other when I heard a knock on the door…
I have news.
Big news. NEWSY news.
Actually, most of you won’t or wouldn’t care about it one way or another but it’s a major life update and will be informing like, all the things for a while so I have to tell you.
But I can’t just come out and tell you! That would be normal. Boring! The well-traveled path of mediocrity which, we have established, shall never know the kiss of my Sketchers,* requires blurting and therefore I will not blurt.
Everyone’s aware I’ve had a rough time of it lately, yeah? I mean, I don’t need to go into all the reasons I can’t handle even one more thing going wrong right now—you just understand, because you’ve been following along and you get me, right?
Y’all, Clara started dropping leaves.
What’s worse, the lovely people who gave her to me have moved away.
What’s that? You don’t see how that’s relevant? Clearly you’ve forgotten my many issues surrounding gifts.